As For France.....

Honestly.... there is just no way I can sum up four months of studying abroad in one post. I just can't. A part of me wants to do separate posts and recount the events and another part wants me to do a brief retelling of the events. However, that latter just wouldn't do it justice. When I think about it now, I was truly blessed in this experience. It truly was amazing.

Though....

I was depressed the entire time.

Isn't that crazy? I study abroad for the first time in my life, go out the country and continent, see Europe and I'm depressed? Yep, I was.

My depression didn't come from my location and where I was - it came from the people I studied abroad with. They were so clicky that it just ANNOYED me. In Cannes, we stayed at a small international school, in dorms and we were just ALWAYS together. It was like going to boarding school in France rather than studying abroad there. My group was relatively big and most of them became close quickly but they were also quick to exclude people. I think in the beginning, everyone tried to be there for each other and support each other but in the end personalities just clashed and it was like this one big group vs the rest. Now looking back, I let that play too big of a part in my experience but just imagine it......... you're out the country for the first time, with all these people... but you still fee alone. Even the one girl I got close to (who goes to my university, might I add) eventually clashed because we were just too different. Her and I agreed on the childishness of the cliques but we also couldn't really stay close because we were just different. So there I was, in France, alone.... and I had the time of my life.

So how is that possible? How did I have the time of my life but was depressed at the same time? I think I just kept in mind where I was, what I was seeing and what I was feeling. Though I was annoyed by the people I studied with, I just tried my hardest to keep the grand scheme of things in mind. During my time in France I saw Cannes, Nice, St. Tropez, Monaco, Avignon, Arles, Antibes, Paris, Barcelona, Rome, St. Remo, Amsterdam and London. Do the negative feelings I had/have brought on by people I just met outweigh the beautiful sights of which I saw? No. Looking back now, I wish that I would have been a little bit stronger so that I could have enjoyed my time more but I don't regret anything. I understand why I felt the way I did studying abroad because I DID feel alone but I'm still thankful for the entire experience. I think I learned a lot of lessons during that time and grew as a person. One of the great things about being an an international school was that I was able to meet OTHER people who were also studying abroad. I now have friends in France, England, Ireland, Switzerland, Germany, Italy, Finland, Sweden, Korea, Spain and Holland. That is amazing. I also had the experience of Couch Surfing while I studied abroad. Even better, I THANKFULLY reconnected with an old friend in Holland and did Yoga by the Mediterranean Sea.

So all was not lost. It was truly a worthwhile, learning experience that I am very grateful to have had. It strengthened my desire to see the rest of the world and to continue traveling while I'm young. It's so fun to make friends around the world. To see how people live, think, eat, speak...etc.... it's all so amazing.

In some other posts here and there I'll recount some stories from my study abroad but for now, this is what it is. I had one of the best times and hardest times in my life all at the same time. God showed himself to me in so many ways, it's crazy. I can truly look back on this experience and smile. It's all okay now.

:)